it wasn't lemon gatorade
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
