I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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