i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
