It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
