I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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