did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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