I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
