I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
