He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
