New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
