i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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