just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
