kristin has been a bad kristin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
