I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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