the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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