U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
