I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize