what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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