I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
