Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come on in and take your pants off
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