i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
