Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
