so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
