I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize