I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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