remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So apparently I’m into choking now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
