Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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