No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
