Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
kristin has been a bad kristin
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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