do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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