i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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