I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
