I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
