omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
