life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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