Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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