I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
