I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
