Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
