that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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