In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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