Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize