..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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