mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
