Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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