You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
