It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
