If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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