AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
