It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
