ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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