census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
