I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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