Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
