Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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