so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
