3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
