Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
