there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
