absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize