did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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