remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
