i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
