I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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