This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
