if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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