Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
