i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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