Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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