I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize